Recovery: The Gritty, Beautiful Journey to Rediscover Who We Really Are

Recovery is more than a word—it’s a patchwork quilt of stories, each piece stitched with struggle, hope, and grit. I’m a former addict turned substance use disorder counselor, and I’ve been on both sides of this journey—the chaos and the calm. Now, I help others navigate the rough waters toward sobriety, and every day I’m reminded it’s not about perfection, but persistence.

Why do we chase recovery? The reasons are as unique as the scars addiction leaves behind. Some of us want health back. Others want to mend relationships shattered by years of chaos. But beneath it all, we’re chasing something deeper: a piece of ourselves that addiction buried or broke—the part that remembers how to be whole.

At its core, recovery is a radical act of rediscovery. It’s not just about quitting a substance; it’s about reclaiming life’s raw, messy beauty. It’s about facing your reflection—flaws and all—and deciding, “This is me, and I’m worth fighting for.”

Recovery Isn’t a Straight Line. It’s a Wild Ride.

Let me be clear: recovery does not come with a map or a schedule. It’s full of detours, dead ends, and scenic routes you never planned on. Progress isn’t measured in days clean or meetings attended—it’s in the tiny moments you choose yourself over the bottle, the drug, the old habits. Whether it’s a mile or a millimeter forward, it’s still a win.

For those working in the field, here’s a truth to hold close: every person’s journey is wildly different. What works for one might not work for another. If we want to help, we need to meet people where they are, not where we think they should be. That means listening—not just to words, but to silences, fears, and the small victories hidden beneath the surface.

Not Going Back, But Moving Forward: Rebuilding Who We Choose to Be

I hear it all the time—the longing to “just be who I was before addiction took over.” It’s a comforting thought, but here’s a hard truth: the person you were before addiction is part of the story that led you here. Somewhere along the way, something broke. Trauma, pain, unmet needs—whatever it was, it shaped you and pushed you toward the addiction in the first place.

So instead of chasing a ghost, let’s shift the goal. Recovery isn’t about rewinding to a “clean slate” or pretending the past never happened. It’s about building something new—a self that’s stronger, wiser, and more resilient because it’s been through the fire. It’s about choosing who you want to be, not just who you were.

That means embracing the messiness of change, accepting that growth isn’t linear, and knowing that you get to write the next chapters on your own terms—one imperfect, brave step at a time. This is the real freedom: not reclaiming a lost self, but creating a whole new one, built on hope, choice, and determination.

What We’re Really Searching For

Addiction steals a lot—time, health, relationships—but the deepest loss is often our sense of self. We crave a version of ourselves unfiltered by substances, a self that can feel joy, pain, connection, and hope without numbing. That’s the treasure at the end of this hard road: a chance to be fully human again.

The Counselor’s View: Witnessing Transformation

In my work, I see something extraordinary every day: people shedding old skins, reclaiming strength they thought was lost, and piecing together new hope from broken bits. Recovery isn’t just survival—it’s growth. It’s crafting a life where every breath counts, where setbacks aren’t failures but lessons, and where the past doesn’t define the future.

How Professionals Can Truly Support Recovery: Beyond the Basics

If you’re a counselor, therapist, recovery coach, or mental health professional, here’s the real deal:

• Meet clients where they are, not where you want them to be. Recovery is messy and non-linear. Adjust expectations accordingly.
• Listen deeply. Sometimes what’s unsaid tells more than words. Be patient with silences and confusion.
• Validate experiences. Recognize the trauma, shame, and fear that clients carry. Don’t rush to fix—offer presence and empathy first.
• Use flexible, individualized approaches. Not everyone thrives in group therapy or strict schedules. Incorporate peer support, creative therapies, and harm reduction strategies.
• Educate yourself about neuroplasticity and addiction neuroscience. Knowing the science behind brain changes can help you set realistic goals and instill hope.
• Advocate fiercely. Fight for longer treatment stays, integrated care, and trauma-informed systems. Challenge insurance limits and bureaucratic roadblocks.
• Collaborate across disciplines. Work closely with primary care, psychiatry, social services, and peer networks. Clients are whole people with complex needs.
• Encourage client self-advocacy. Empower clients to speak up about their needs with all their providers, not just addiction specialists.

Advocacy for the Future: Clearing the Path for Recovery

Systemic change is slow, but it starts with us. Professionals can:

• Lobby for policy changes that fund longer, more flexible treatment programs
• Push for integrated mental health and addiction services under one roof
• Educate communities to reduce stigma and promote understanding
• Support housing-first initiatives and other social supports that stabilize clients’ lives

Clients can:

• Keep asking questions and demanding personalized care
• Lean on peer networks and advocacy groups
• Share their stories to humanize addiction and recovery
• Remember that their voice matters—always

More Than Just Adding Days—Adding Life

Recovery is about more than just staying clean. It’s about taking back your story, one chapter at a time. It’s about living a life that feels real, vibrant, and yours. It’s about turning the mess of the past into the foundation for something better.

To Everyone Walking This Path

Your journey is yours alone. There’s no right or wrong way to heal. Your progress, no matter how small, lights the way for others lost in the dark. Embrace your story, with all its bumps and breaks—because in those cracks, your true power shines through.

Remember: recovery is the greatest rediscovery of all—the chance to meet the person you were always meant to be.

-Belle-

New logo, same me 

I started my blog a little over a year ago, honestly just hoping someone out there might relate to the chaos inside my head (and maybe laugh once in a while). Turns out, sharing about addiction, recovery, mental health, stigma, and connection has taken me places I never saw coming—both online and in real life.

If you haven’t checked out my blog yet, this is your official invitation. Yes, I write a lot about things people usually avoid at dinner parties. Yes, it can get uncomfortable. But let’s be real: change is uncomfortable, growth is uncomfortable, and pretending we’re all fine all the time? That’s just exhausting.

So, take a breath. Poke around my blog. If you find yourself squirming a little, you’re probably in the right place. I’m a substance abuse counselor, but I’m also a person in recovery, which means I get it from both sides. Stick around. Maybe you’ll find something that clicks—or at least a decent joke about existential dread.

Welcome to the new look. Same mission: real talk, messy feelings, and a little hope on the side.-Belle-

 What I Wish My Therapist Knew About Meth: The Truth About Recovery, Cognition, and the Real Work Ahead

Let’s get this out of the way: Meth doesn’t just wreck your life; it hijacks your brain, chews up your sense of self, and spits out something you barely recognize. For the folks who’ve never used, or for the “old school” providers still clinging to the Big Book and the 28-day miracle cure, meth is just another addiction. But for those of us who’ve lived it—and for the people trying to treat it now—we know it’s a whole different beast.

I’ve been on both sides of this mess: As a person who’s walked into treatment with a brain full of static, and as a clinician watching desperate people try to claw their way out, only to hit the same brick walls over and over. In the world of residential treatment, especially in small clinics (hello, northern Wisconsin), the rules are written by people who haven’t spent a night in their own program. And honestly, it shows.

The Meth Crash: Cognitive Chaos, Raw Despair, and the Impossible Ask

Meth withdrawal is like your brain went through a woodchipper while you were asleep—then someone handed you a clipboard and asked you to recite the alphabet backward in group. Good luck. For the first few days (or weeks, if you’re lucky), your thoughts are scrambled eggs, your emotions are whiplash, and your body is either vibrating or dead weight. Sleep? You want it more than anything, but when it finally comes, it’s thick, dreamless, and never long enough.

Here’s the thing: In most residential programs, you’re expected to hit the ground running. Orientation packet, group therapy, trauma work, relapse prevention, all in the first 24-48 hours. Never mind that you might be hallucinating, seeing shadows in the corners, or forgetting the question before you finish answering it. We write you up for “not participating,” as if this is a choice.

Old school recovery tells you, “Just push through.” New school knows the brain isn’t magic—it’s meat, it’s chemistry, it’s neuroplasticity. Meth fries your dopamine system. It shrinks your hippocampus, it messes with your frontal lobe. You can’t just “snap out of it.” Real healing takes time, repetition, and—here’s a wild idea—a little bit of compassion.

Not All Recovery Timelines Are Equal: The Truth About Brains on Meth

I’ve watched people come into treatment after a six-month run, skin and bones, eyes wide, talking in circles, and we expect them to “get it together” in 30 days? That’s not how brains work. Neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to heal, rewire, and recover—takes time. It takes sleep, nutrition, stability, and, above all, not being shamed for failing to keep up with people who’ve already been sober for months.

This isn’t just about “willpower.” The meth brain is literally different. The reward system is shot, the memory circuits are glitchy, and the frontal cortex (the part that’s supposed to make good decisions) is offline. Some days, you’re lucky if you remember your own name, let alone your treatment plan.

The Unspoken Stuff: Real Thoughts from the Edge

Let’s get super fucking real for a second. Here’s what people in early meth recovery actually think—but rarely say:

• “I think I’m losing my mind. Nobody told me it would be this bad.”
• “Everyone else seems to be ‘getting it.’ Why can’t I?”
• “I want to die just to make this stop. Is it always going to feel like this?”
• “I wish someone would just hold me, or at least tell me what’s happening to my brain.”
• “If I fail here, there’s nowhere left for me to go.”
• “Why do I feel so alone, even in a room full of people?”

We ask our clients to be “honest,” but we don’t always make space for this kind of honesty. The shame is so thick you could spread it on toast.

Early Trauma Work: When “Let’s Talk About Your Childhood” Is the Worst Idea

Here’s a dirty secret: jumping into trauma work too soon can do more harm than good. Meth users fresh into treatment are still in survival mode. Memory is scrambled. Emotions are raw. You bring up trauma, and instead of healing, you get shutdown, dissociation, or total overwhelm. I’ve seen clients nod along in group, totally checked out, just trying not to fall apart.

Real trauma work needs a brain that’s at least somewhat online. Until then? Focus on stabilization. Let people sleep, eat, and learn how to exist without constant crisis. Give them grounding skills, not re-traumatization.

The System: Red Tape, 28-Day Miracles, and Insurance Nightmares

Let’s talk about the real enemy: insurance and red tape. The “28-day” model was never designed for meth addiction. Hell, it wasn’t designed for most addictions. But here we are, begging for extra days, writing desperate justifications, and getting denied because “the client isn’t making enough progress.” Of course they’re not—they barely know what day it is.

Insurance wants quick fixes, measurable outcomes, and cheap discharges. What people need is time. Time for neuroplasticity to work, time for trust to build, time for the fog to clear. We need advocacy at every level—clients, clinicians, administrators—to push back against the bureaucracy that keeps people sick.

What Professionals Can Do—And What We All Need to Try

Let’s get creative, because what we’re doing isn’t working:

• Flexible timelines: Advocate for longer stays, step-down programs, and continued care. If insurance says no, get loud. Use data, stories, whatever it takes.
• Cognitive accommodations: Use visuals, repetition, simple schedules, and reminders. Assume memory and attention will be spotty.
• Peer mentorship: Connect clients with people who’ve been through it and made it out alive. Lived experience trumps theory every time.
• Integrated care: Work with mental health providers, primary care, case managers—meth isn’t just an “addiction problem.”
• Creative interventions: Art therapy, movement, mindfulness, skill-building—things that can reach people even when words fail.

What Clients Can Do—Even When It Feels Impossible

• Advocate for yourself: Tell your counselor, your doctor, your therapist what you’re experiencing. If you need more time, say it. If you can’t focus, say it. If you’re scared, say it.
• Ask for help from everyone: Addiction providers, mental health, primary care—don’t let anyone tell you “that’s not my job.”
• Find your people: Peer support, recovery groups, online forums—don’t do this alone.
• Document your journey: Keep notes, write down symptoms, track your progress. It helps you see the changes (even when they’re slow) and makes it easier to advocate for more care.

We Can Do Better—And We Have To

This isn’t a call for pity. It’s a call for reality. Meth recovery is a marathon, not a sprint, and the system needs to catch up. If you’re a provider, push your supervisors, fight for your clients, and never lose your empathy. If you’re in recovery, don’t let anyone tell you your timeline is wrong. Your brain is healing, and it’s doing it at its own damn speed.

Meth is a monster, but you’re not broken. You’re rebuilding. And if you’re desperate, if you’re lost, if you’re sure you’ll never make it out—hold on. The fog does lift. The thoughts get clearer. The hope comes back, little by little.

Let’s keep talking about this, keep fighting for better care, and keep telling the truth—no matter how hard or how dark it gets. Because that’s how we make it out. Together.

Drop your stories, your questions, or your rage at the system below. Let’s be real. Let’s do better. And let’s give every brain recovering from meth the time, space, and respect it deserves.-Belle-