Recovery: The Journey to Becoming Who We Never Were

 

Recovery: The Journey to Becoming Who We Never Were

"I just want to be the person I was before addiction."

Yeah, about that... Let's talk about why that's the worst idea since trying to negotiate with your dealer at 3 AM. That person you're so nostalgic about? They're the one who got you into this mess in the first place. Sorry, not sorry.

I'm both a recovering addict and a substance use disorder counselor, which basically means I went from being the problem to helping solve it. Talk about a plot twist, right?

Here's the thing about recovery that nobody tells you in those glossy rehab brochures: it's not about finding yourself – it's about creating yourself. While everyone else is out there trying to "discover their authentic self" (whatever that means), we're in the trenches building ourselves from scratch, like some kind of sober Frankenstein's monster, except with better coping skills and fewer villagers with pitchforks.

Let's be real – addiction didn't steal who we were; it revealed who we needed to become. That's the dirty little secret of recovery that makes people uncomfortable at dinner parties. We're not trying to go backwards to some imagined golden age of our lives. We're fumbling forward, creating something entirely new, probably making a mess of it sometimes, but hey – at least we're conscious for it now.

You want to know what recovery really looks like? It's showing up to therapy wearing yesterday's clothes because you had a breakthrough at 2 AM and couldn't sleep. It's laughing inappropriately during group sessions because someone's rock-bottom story involves a stolen garden gnome. It's realizing that your emotional growth was stuck at whatever age you started using, and now you're basically a teenager in an adult body, learning how to human all over again.

But here's where it gets good.

Every day you stay sober, you're building something unprecedented – a version of yourself that never existed before. Your brain is literally rewiring itself, creating new neural pathways that don't lead to your dealer's house. That's not just recovery; that's evolution, baby.

To my fellow recovering souls: your path won't look like anyone else's, and that's perfect. Maybe you're the one making inappropriate jokes in group therapy (guilty as charged), or maybe you're the one journaling so intensely you've developed carpal tunnel. Either way, you're doing it right because you're doing it at all.

And to the professionals working in this field: remember that behind every eye roll, beneath every defense mechanism, there's someone desperately trying to build themselves a new life with tools they're just learning how to use. It's like watching someone try to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions – frustrating, sometimes hilarious, but ultimately worth it.

Recovery isn't about returning to who you were. It's about becoming who you never had the chance to be. It's about building something new from the rubble of who you used to be, and maybe keeping a few of the funnier war stories to share at meetings.

Because at the end of the day, recovery isn't just about staying clean – it's about creating a life so good you don't need to escape from it. And sometimes, that means embracing the chaos, finding humor in the darkness, and realizing that the person you're becoming is far more interesting than the person you're trying to remember.

So here's to not being who we were. Here's to being who we never were – but always had the potential to become. And here's to laughing about it along the way, because if we can't find humor in this journey, we're doing it wrong.

Keep going. Keep growing. Keep laughing. The person you're becoming is waiting to meet you.

-Belle-

 

So You Think You Might Have a Problem: A Not-So-Gentle Guide to Getting Help

Let's be honest – you're probably reading this while hiding in your bathroom, or maybe during that 3 AM spiral when you're questioning every life choice you've ever made. First off, congratulations on your excellent taste in crisis-related reading material. And second, the fact that you're here means you're already braver than you think.

Welcome to rock bottom's waiting room. The good news? It has WiFi.

The "Maybe It's Not That Bad" Phase (Spoiler: It Probably Is)

You know that voice in your head that keeps saying "I can quit anytime I want"? Yeah, that voice is full of shit. But here's the thing – you're not alone in this dance of denial. According to recent statistics, only 1.6 million people who needed treatment actually felt they needed it. The rest were probably still convinced they could "handle it."

Here's a fun game called "Spot the Signs" (except it's not actually fun, and you already know the answers):

• Are you reading articles about addiction while insisting you don't have one?
• Have you started calculating your substance budget more carefully than your actual budget?
• Do you have more excuses than a student on exam day?
• Has "just this once" become your personal motto?

The Modern Recovery Revolution (Because It's Not 1985 Anymore)

Good news for the introverts and agoraphobes among us – getting help doesn't necessarily mean sitting in a circle of strangers sharing your feelings (though that's still an option if you're into that sort of thing). The addiction treatment world has gone digital, and you can now access therapy from the same place you order your late-night pizza – your couch.

Telehealth services have exploded, offering everything from virtual counseling to online support groups. You can literally start your recovery journey while wearing pajamas. If that's not progress, I don't know what is.

The "But What Will People Think?" Paralysis

Let's address the elephant in the room – stigma. It's that fun little voice that makes you think everyone will judge you for getting help, while they're probably too busy judging themselves for their own issues. Recent studies show that about 66% of people cite negative social influences as a major barrier to seeking help.

Here's a dark little truth: society is already judging you. They're just doing it while you're actively struggling instead of while you're getting better. Might as well give them something worthwhile to talk about, right?

The Art of Pretending (and Why It's a Trap)

As someone who's been there, I know the drill. You walk into a support group or a counselor's office, and out comes the greatest performance of your life: "I'm fine." You lie because it's easier than facing the truth. But here's the thing – pretending delays progress. And guess what? You're not alone in this either. Many in recovery find themselves stuck in this cycle, trying to convince themselves and everyone else that they're okay, when they're not. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it.

Breaking Down the Barriers (Because They're More Fragile Than You Think)

Money? Yeah, that's a big one. About 37% of people cite cost as a major barrier to getting help. But here's what they don't tell you: many treatment centers offer sliding scale payments, and with recent healthcare changes, more insurance companies are covering addiction treatment than ever before. Plus, it's probably still cheaper than maintaining your habit. (Dark humor, remember?)

Distance? Telehealth programs are making it possible to get help from literally anywhere with an internet connection. You could be in your car, at work, or hiding in your closet – we don't judge.

Fear of change? Let’s not sugarcoat it – change is terrifying. But staying the same is far scarier. The trick is to find a community or a counselor who gets it, who’s been there, and who can help you navigate this mess one step at a time.

Shame and guilt? They're like those annoying relatives who overstay their welcome. They serve no purpose other than to make you feel bad. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Taking That First Terrifying Step

Here's the thing about asking for help: it's like ripping off a Band-Aid, except the Band-Aid is made of fear, shame, and that weird thing humans do where we'd rather be miserable than uncomfortable for a short time.

But here's your permission slip to be messy, to be scared, and to do it anyway. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't even have to be sure you're ready. You just have to be willing to consider the possibility that maybe – just maybe – there's a better way to live.

Remember: Rock bottom is not a prerequisite for getting help. You don't have to wait until you've lost everything. You can start right now, from wherever you are, even if "wherever you are" is reading this blog post while pretending to work.

The Plot Twist

The hardest part isn't actually getting help – it's admitting you need it. And guess what? By reading this far, you're already doing the thing. You're already taking that first step, even if you're taking it while convincing yourself you're "just browsing."

So what's next? You could:

1. Call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) – they handle addiction too, and they're actually pretty cool about it
2. Check out SAMHSA's treatment locator (Google it – I believe in your internet skills)
3. Talk to your doctor (they've heard worse, I promise)
4. Keep reading articles like this one while pretending you're not ready yet (hey, no judgment – baby steps count)

The point is, you're already in motion. You're already doing the thing you think you can't do. And whether you decide to get help today, tomorrow, or six months from now, know this: you're not alone, you're not broken, and it's never too early (or too late) to change your story.

Welcome to the first day of maybe getting your shit together. It's going to be a wild ride, but hey – at least it's better than the alternative.

P.S. If you're reading this in your bathroom hiding from your responsibilities, it's probably time to come out now. Your legs are probably asleep, and people are starting to ask questions.-Belle-