When Your Counselor's Been There: The Raw Truth About Being on Both Sides of the Desk

 

When Your Counselor's Been There: The Raw Truth About Being on Both Sides of the Desk

I used to count shots, hits, milligrams. Now I count days of not using meth, opiates, benzos and collections of other what I used to think were “fun” treats. And somewhere between those two realities, I found myself on both sides of the counselor's desk – first as the client trying to keep my shit together, then as the professional helping others do the same.

Plot twist, right?

Here's the thing about being both a recovering addict and an addiction counselor in rural Wisconsin: it's complicated. Like, "trying to explain TikTok to your grandma" complicated. When you live in a small town, everyone knows everyone's business. The person you're counseling today might have been the same person who watched you stumble out of the local bar five years ago or read about your criminal enterprises in the local papers. That's not just awkward – it's a masterclass in humility.

But you know what? That's exactly why I'm writing this post. Because in northern Wisconsin, where our postcard-pretty landscapes hide some pretty ugly truths about addiction, we need to get real about recovery. Really real. I am sure many of you can relate and “insert your town here”.

Living here, where the nearest treatment center might be an hour's drive away and everyone's cousin's friend's sister has "that problem," we face unique challenges. The isolation can be suffocating. The resources? Sometimes they feel as sparse as parking spots during hunting season.

But here's where my double life gives me a perspective that not everyone has: I know both the desperation of addiction and the hope of recovery from the inside out. I've sat in those uncomfortable chairs as a client, fighting the urge to bolt. I've also sat in the counselor's chair, watching someone else fight that same battle.

Let me tell you something they don't teach you in counseling school: sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer someone isn't your professional expertise – it's your humanity. It's being able to say, "Yeah, I remember when breathing felt like an Olympic sport too."

But this isn't just my story. It's about breaking down the walls between "us" and "them." Because, there is no us and them. There are just people, trying their best to heal, to help, and sometimes to do both simultaneously.

So here's my promise to you, dear reader: My blog and writing won't ever be your typical recovery narrative. It won't be all sunshine and rainbows, and it definitely won't be what my professors would call "maintaining professional distance." Instead, it'll be honest. Sometimes painfully so. Sometimes funny (because if you can't laugh at the darkness, what's the point?). Always real.

We'll talk about the stuff nobody wants to talk about. Like how recovery in a small town means running into your old drinking buddies or drugged-out one-night stands at the only grocery store in town. Or how being a counselor with a past means constantly walking the line between professional boundaries and authentic connection (for real).

Here's what I've learned from straddling both worlds: Healing isn't about pretending the scars don't exist. It's about wearing them with grace and using them to help others find their way.

So whether you're in recovery, thinking about recovery, working in recovery, or just trying to understand what this whole journey is about, welcome. Pull up a chair. The coffee's usually on (or an energy drink), and judgment's always off.

This is just the beginning of our conversation. And trust me, it's going to get interesting.-Belle-

 

Love and Addiction: When Your Brain Can't Tell the Difference Between Romance and Rehab

Let's talk about love and addiction - two things that can make you lose your mind, empty your bank account, and have you crying in a Walmart parking lot at 3 AM. As someone who's been both a substance abuse counselor and a card-carrying member of the "my ex probably deserves their own DSM category" club, I've seen these parallels from every angle possible.

The Science of Love: Your Brain on Romance (Spoiler: It's a Mess)

Remember that feeling of being high? Well, your brain literally can't tell the difference between that and falling in love. Both flood your system with dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine - nature's own chemical cocktail that makes you feel invincible while simultaneously destroying your ability to make rational decisions. It's like your brain threw a party and forgot to invite your common sense.

When you fall in love, your dopamine levels spike like you just hit the neurochemical jackpot. Your prefrontal cortex - that responsible adult in your brain - basically goes on vacation. Scientists have found that the same reward pathways that light up during drug use start doing the cha-cha when you're looking at pictures of your beloved. It's why both love and addiction can have you planning your entire life around your next "fix," whether that's a substance or just one more text from someone who's definitely not good for you.

And here's the kicker: oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," creates intense bonding that can keep you stuck in toxic relationships. It's like your brain's version of superglue, making you attach to people who are about as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake.

Breaking the Cycle: When "Crazy in Love" Is Just Plain Crazy

Let's be honest - breaking free from codependency is about as fun as doing taxes while getting a root canal. But here's what they don't tell you in those cheerful self-help books:

The Uncomfortable Truth About Codependency

Remember thinking you could fix someone who treated their emotional issues like a collect-them-all Pokemon game? Yeah, me too. Codependency isn't just about being "too nice" or "caring too much" - it's about being so focused on someone else's disaster of a life that you forget you're starring in your own train wreck.

Signs you might be codependent (aka love addiction's favorite cousin):

• You've ever said "but they need me" about someone who treats you like a backup plan
• Your mood depends on someone else's mood like you're emotionally joined at the hip
• You've become an Olympic-level mental gymnast trying to justify someone's behavior
• Your boundaries are so non-existent, they make invisible ink look obvious

The Real Work of Breaking Free

Breaking free from codependency is like trying to untangle yourself from emotional kudzu. It's a process that usually involves:

1. Recognizing Your Patterns: Understanding why you're attracted to people who have more red flags than a Soviet parade.

2. Dealing with Withdrawal: Yes, breaking up with toxic people causes actual withdrawal symptoms. Your brain doesn't know the difference between quitting substances and quitting that person who's "not really that bad" (spoiler: they probably are).

3. Building a New Normal: Learning to feel comfortable with calm instead of chaos. It's like moving from an action movie to a documentary - less exciting at first, but way better for your long-term survival.

Recovery Skills: Your Relationship Superhero Cape

The plot twist? Those same skills that got you clean and sober are your secret weapons for building healthy relationships. It's like discovering that your sobriety toolbox is actually a relationship Swiss Army knife.

Recovery teaches us:

• How to sit with uncomfortable feelings without trying to fix, change, or numb them
• The art of saying "no" without writing a five-page explanation
• That feeling your feelings won't actually kill you (even though it sometimes feels like it might)
• How to build relationships that don't require a therapist's intervention team on speed dial

Moving Forward: Love in Recovery (Without the Drama)

Healthy love in recovery feels different. It's calmer, clearer, and doesn't involve checking your partner's phone while they're in the shower. It's about finding someone who makes your life better, not someone who makes it more "exciting" by keeping you in a constant state of emotional whiplash.

The truth is, recovery gives us something invaluable: the ability to recognize the difference between love and addiction, between chemistry and chaos. It teaches us that the best relationships aren't about losing yourself in another person - they're about showing up as your whole, messy, recovering self and finding someone who appreciates the work you've done to get there.

This Valentine's Day, whether you're single, dating, or somewhere in between, remember: your recovery skills are your relationship superpowers. Use them wisely, and maybe skip the Walmart parking lot crying sessions this time around.

Because let's face it - the best love story isn't about finding someone to complete you; it's about being complete enough on your own that you can actually show up for a healthy relationship. And if that's not worth celebrating, I don't know what is.-Belle-