Resolutions Reimagined: Why 'Getting Sober' Isn't Enough (And What to Aim for Instead)

Ah, New Year's resolutions – that magical time when we all collectively decide to become perfect humans overnight. And if you're thinking about recovery (or already in it), you've probably heard the classic: "This year, I'm getting sober!"

Spoiler alert: I've been on both sides of that declaration – first as the person making it, then as the counselor hearing it. Let me tell you something they don't put on those inspirational recovery posters: according to research, about 80% of New Year's resolutions fail within six weeks. Ouch.

But here's the plot twist – I'm not here to rain on your recovery parade. As someone who traded meth for a bachelor's degree (talk about an upgrade), I'm here to tell you why "getting sober" isn't enough... and what you should aim for instead.

The Problem with "Getting Sober" as a Resolution

Look, saying "I'm getting sober" is like saying "I'm getting successful." Cool intention, but what does that actually mean? It's like trying to eat soup with a fork – you've got the right idea, but wrong tool.

Studies show that unrealistic goals, emotional triggers, and the effects of addiction on the brain can make sticking to broad resolutions particularly difficult. No kidding – my first attempt at recovery was about as successful as trying to teach my cat to fetch.

What to Aim for Instead (Because We're Getting Creative Here)

1. The "Tiny Victories" Revolution
   Instead of "I'm getting sober," try: "I'm going to learn one new coping skill each month." Research indicates that personalized, specific goals can increase success rates by up to 60%. That's right – sometimes smaller is better (something I wish someone had told me during my "I can handle everything at once" phase).

2. The "Plot Twist" Approach
   Rather than focusing solely on what you're giving up, focus on what you're gaining. For example:

   • January: Learn to cook one meal that doesn't come from a box
   • February: Find a workout that doesn't make you want to cry
   • March: Master the art of saying "no" without adding "sorry" (still working on this one myself)

3. The "Reality Check" Resolution
   Here's something they don't tell you in recovery school (okay, they do, but we often don't listen): According to addiction specialists, about 75% of people eventually recover from addiction – but their paths look wildly different. Some people (like yours truly) can still enjoy a beer while having kicked other substances to the curb. Others need complete abstinence. Both are valid, both are recovery.

The Secret Sauce (Or What I Learned the Hard Way)

After years of counseling others (and continuing my own journey), here's what actually works:

1. Get Specific AF
   Instead of "I'll go to meetings," try "I'll hit the Tuesday night group where Karen brings those amazing cookies." (Yes, sometimes we go for the cookies. No, we're not ashamed.)

2. Build Your Weird Recovery Toolkit
   Recent trends in recovery show that the most successful approaches are often the most personalized. Mine includes:

   • A stress ball that looks like Nicolas Cage's face
   • A playlist titled "Songs for When I Want to Fight the World"
   • A list of dad jokes (because sometimes you need to laugh at something worse than your problems)

3. Plan for the Plot Twists
   Because life loves throwing curveballs, and recovery isn't a straight line – it's more like my handwriting after three cups of coffee.

The Real Talk Section

Here's the thing about recovery that nobody's Instagram post will tell you: it's messy, it's personal, and sometimes it looks nothing like what you planned. And that's okay. Research shows that personalized, evidence-based approaches to recovery are the most successful.

As someone who's been there (hello, meth) and now helps others navigate their journey, I can tell you that the best resolution isn't about getting sober – it's about getting real. It's about building a life where you don't need to escape from reality because your reality doesn't suck.

Your 2024 Action Plan (Because We're Practical Like That)

1. Ditch the "all or nothing" mindset (it's so 2023 anyway)
2. Pick one tiny, specific goal for each month
3. Build your personal recovery toolkit (weird items encouraged)
4. Find your people (the ones who don't make you want to relapse)
5. Keep what works, ditch what doesn't (yes, even if TikTok says it's trending)

Remember: Recovery isn't about becoming a different person – it's about becoming who you are without the chaos. And sometimes, that person still swears, drinks too much coffee, and occasionally forgets to match their socks. That's not failure; that's being human.

So this New Year, don't resolve to "get sober." Resolve to get real, get specific, and maybe get a little weird with it. Because the best recovery journey is the one that actually works for you – even if it doesn't look Instagram-perfect.

And hey, if you're reading this while wearing mismatched socks and questioning your life choices – welcome to the club.-Belle-

 The Space Between: Navigating the Quiet Days After Christmas in Recovery

The decorations are still up, but the magic has faded faster than your aunt's passive-aggressive smile when you declined her spiked eggnog. Half-eaten cookies sit in tins nobody wants to touch anymore (except at 3 AM when the sugar cravings hit like a freight train). The relatives have gone home, and your sanity has almost returned. Almost.

Welcome to what I like to call "the space between" – that weird twilight zone between Christmas and New Year's where time loses all meaning and we're not quite sure if it's okay to wear pajamas to the grocery store. (Spoiler alert: it is.)

For those of us in recovery, these days can feel like walking through quicksand while carrying all the emotional baggage our family kindly "gifted" us during their stay. The rush of holiday adrenaline crashes hard, leaving us alone with our thoughts in the aftermath of family gatherings, social obligations, and enough seasonal stress to make a therapist need therapy.

If you're feeling a bit lost right now, I want you to know something: you're not alone in this liminal space. And yes, I had to Google "liminal" the first time I heard it too.

I remember my first post-Christmas in recovery. The silence felt deafening – turns out when you're not numbed out of your mind, you actually have to feel things. Who knew? Where once I would have chemically enhanced my way through this period (because nothing says "handling emotions" like not handling them at all), I found myself raw and exposed to feelings I didn't even have names for. Though I'm pretty sure some of those names would've been NSFW.

The Hidden Weight of the Aftermath (Or: Why Your Emotional Hangover Might Be Worse Than Your Old Physical Ones)

Nobody really talks about what happens after the presents are unwrapped and the last relative walks out the door (taking their unsolicited advice about your life choices with them). Research shows that the post-holiday period can be particularly challenging for people in recovery. Shocking, right? Who would've thought that after spending days pretending to be fascinated by Uncle Bob's cryptocurrency investments while dodging questions about why you're still single, you might feel a little... stretched thin?

Maybe you're processing difficult conversations with family members who still don't quite understand your recovery journey. ("But surely one glass of champagne on New Year's Eve doesn't count?" Spoiler alert: it does, Karen.) Perhaps you're feeling the weight of financial stress from holiday spending because apparently, everyone in your family deserved a gift, even cousin Tim who you're pretty sure still owes you money from 2019. Or maybe you're simply exhausted from maintaining your recovery while navigating countless triggering situations.

These feelings aren't character flaws – they're normal responses to an emotionally charged season.

Finding Your Feet in the Quiet (Or: How to Deal When Netflix Asks "Are You Still Watching?" For the Fifth Time)

Here's the thing about this space between: it's actually a gift, though it might not feel like one. Kind of like that meditation app subscription your well-meaning sister got you – the one currently gathering digital dust next to that fitness app from last year's resolutions. Without the noise of holiday chaos, we have a chance to:

1. Process and Release
   Think of this time as emotional decompression. Just as deep-sea divers can't rush to the surface, we need this transition period to process everything that bubbled up during the holidays. Take out your journal. Talk to your sponsor. Let yourself feel whatever comes up without judgment.

2. Reclaim Your Rhythm
   The holidays throw everyone off balance, but for those of us in recovery, routine isn't just helpful – it's vital. Use these quiet days to slowly rebuild your schedule. Start with the basics: regular meals, consistent sleep, daily meditation or prayer, and meetings.

3. Practice Gentle Reflection
   This isn't about New Year's resolutions or harsh self-criticism. It's about sitting with yourself compassionately and asking: What worked this holiday season? What didn't? What boundaries might need adjusting for next year?

The Power of the Pause (And Not the Kind We Used to Take Behind the Building)

Let's be real – as someone who's been on both sides of the recovery fence (hello, fellow humans I've counseled while silently thinking "been there, done that, got the court-ordered t-shirt"), I can tell you that these quiet moments are where the real magic happens. And by magic, I mean the uncomfortable, squirmy, "is this what personal growth feels like or am I just hungry?" kind of magic.

Studies indicate that as people progress in recovery, their quality of life and overall well-being improve. But this progress isn't just about the big moments – it's about how we handle these in-between times.

Think of this period as training grounds for recovery skills. When we're not caught up in the holiday whirlwind, we can practice:

• Sitting with uncomfortable emotions without reaching for escape
• Finding peace in solitude without feeling lonely
• Building new traditions that align with our recovery values

Creating Your Own Meaning

Instead of viewing these days as empty space, try seeing them as a blank canvas. Some ways to fill this time meaningfully:

• Create a gratitude inventory specifically about your recovery journey through the holidays
• Reach out to others in recovery who might be struggling with this same quiet
• Start a end-of-year ritual that celebrates your growth and resilience
• Plan small, manageable activities that bring you joy without overwhelming you

Looking Forward Without Racing Ahead

As New Year's approaches, there's often pressure to start planning and goal-setting. But there's value in just being present in this space between. Your recovery has taught you that every day is a chance for a fresh start – you don't need to wait for January 1st to begin again.

Remember, this quiet period isn't a void to be filled or an obstacle to be overcome. It's a natural part of the recovery journey, as essential as the celebrations themselves. In these still moments between Christmas and New Year's, we're not just killing time – we're healing, growing, and preparing for whatever comes next.

For those reading this who are feeling the weight of the silence: reach out. Go to a meeting. Call your sponsor or whatever you do to connect with the world. Connect with others who understand that sometimes the hardest parts of recovery aren't the big challenges, but these quiet moments in between.

You've made it through another holiday season in recovery. That alone is worth celebrating, even if that celebration is as quiet as these days themselves.

Remember: the space between isn't empty – it's full of possibility. And you're not alone in it. Even if you're still in your pajamas at the grocery store.-Belle-

Let the Holiday Dysfunction Begin

             Let the Holiday Dysfunction Begin

 

You know those perfectly curated holiday photos on social media? The ones with matching pajamas and pristine dinner tables? Let's talk about what's really happening behind the scenes for many of us.

Right now, someone's getting bombarded with passive-aggressive texts from Aunt Karen about why they're not coming to Christmas dinner. Someone else is trying to figure out how to dodge intrusive questions about their life choices. And plenty of us are setting boundaries with family members who think the holiday season gives them an all-access pass to our lives.

Here's what I've learned: You're not alone in this mess. Not even close.

Those uncomfortable family group chats? The guilt trips? The manipulation tactics? They're playing out in homes across the world right now. It's like a holiday tradition nobody asked for, but everyone got it anyway.

But here's the thing - and this is important:

You don't have to answer every message

You don't have to explain your choices

You don't have to accept toxic behavior just because it's family

You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm

We can only control our own actions and responses. That's it. That's the whole game. And sometimes the most powerful response is no response at all.

To everyone dealing with family drama this holiday season: You have permission to protect your peace. You have the right to set boundaries. You have the choice to step away.

Your mental health matters more than meeting someone else's expectations of how the holidays "should" be.

Stay strong, keep those boundaries firm, and remember - you're not alone in this. Not by a long shot