Lies, Damned Lies, and Addiction

Lies, Damned Lies, and Addiction

We've all been there - those of us who've danced with addiction, that is. The lies. Oh, the glorious, ridiculous, mind-boggling lies we tell ourselves and others. I know I have. And as a counselor, I've seen some doozies. But why? Why do we spin these tangled webs? And what happens when we finally stop?

The Great Con (Our Minds):

Addiction is a master manipulator. It convinces us we're getting away with something, that we're smarter than everyone else. I mean, come on, who wouldn't believe these gems?

• "I don't have an addiction." (Sure, and I'm the Queen of England.)
• "I can stop anytime I want to." (Just you wait, I'll quit tomorrow. Or next week. Or never.)
• "It hasn't changed me at all." (You mean besides the constant lying, stealing, and ruining relationships?)
• "I'm not as bad as [insert name]." (The classic "addiction Olympics" - because bronze in self-destruction is still a loss.)
• "I only use it occasionally." (Yeah, like that one time... every day.)
• "I'm under a lot of stress — it's okay to kick back with this stuff and relax." (Because nothing says "relaxation" like a hangover and a crushed soul.)

But here's the kicker: we start believing our own BS. It's like method acting for idiots. We play the role of "totally not an addict" so long, we forget we're acting.

The Crash (When Reality Hits):

Sooner or later, the lies catch up. Maybe it's a DUI, a lost job, or your kids stopping you with a look of pure disappointment. For me, it was waking up in jail, wondering what I'd done the night before (again). That's when you realize you haven't been fooling anyone - except maybe yourself.

Getting Real (The Hard Part):

Stopping the lies is easy. Having the guts to see yourself clearly, to face the damage... that's hard. It means admitting you're vulnerable, that you need help. It sucks. But it's also your only real shot at freedom.

Getting real means facing the shame, the guilt, the crushing regret. It means feeling those uncomfortable emotions instead of numbing out. But here's the thing: you don't have to do it alone. Counseling, support groups, they're all about having a safe space to own your crap. To say out loud, "I messed up. I need help."

And it's not just about talking. Sometimes it's about creating - writing, art, music. Whatever helps you express the mess inside and start to untangle it.

My Take (From Both Sides Now):

As someone who's been in treatment and now works in it, I see the lies from both ends of the telescope. I look back on my own and cringe. I see my clients spinning the same tales and want to shake them (gently). But I get it. I really do. Because those lies, they offer a false sense of control when everything feels out of control.

The Shift (From Lies to Recovery):

Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about brutal honesty, with yourself first. It's about owning your crap, one painful truth at a time. And yeah, it's hard. But the freedom... oh man, the freedom from all those lies, that's something else.

So if you're stuck in the cycle of lying, just know this: you're not fooling anyone. Least of all yourself. And if you're ready to stop running the con... well, there's a whole lot of us who've been there, done that, and would be happy to show you the way out.

We've all been there - those of us who've danced with addiction, that is. The lies. Oh, the glorious, ridiculous, mind-boggling lies we tell ourselves and others. I know I have. And as a counselor, I've seen some doozies. But why? Why do we spin these tangled webs? And what happens when we finally stop?-Belle- 

When Your Kids Start Asking the Hard Questions: Navigating Addiction Conversations as a Parent in Recovery

My 10-year-old son looked up from his Legos, curiosity in his eyes. "Mom, what's meth?" My heart skipped a beat. Already? I thought. But I took a deep breath and remembered the promise I made when I got sober: honesty, no matter how hard.

A few days later, my 9-year-old asked, "What does it feel like when you get high?" I hesitated, not wanting to glorify the experience. But I knew I had to be honest. "It's like a fake sense of happiness," I explained. "But it's not real, and it doesn't last. And it led to a lot of pain and problems."

Recovery is a journey, not a destination. And when you're a parent, that journey includes a roadmap of tough conversations. My kids were little when I got sober, but now, as pre-teens, they're asking questions – about drugs, about the past, and about their father, who's still struggling with addiction.

The Hypocrisy Factor

It feels hypocritical lecturing your kids about drugs when you've battled addiction. You think, Who am I to tell them what to do? But your story is your greatest tool. It shows your kids that addiction is real, that it can happen to anyone, and that recovery is possible. Many of us in recovery grapple with this feeling of hypocrisy. But the truth is, you're not teaching your kids that drug use is okay. You're teaching them that addiction is a disease, and that getting help is possible.

Don't Panic (Outwardly, at Least)

When the questions come, take a breath. It's okay not to have all the answers ready. Say, "That's a great question. Let me think, and we'll talk later." Use the time to collect your thoughts, maybe talk to your partner, a friend, or sponsor. Remind yourself that it's better to have these uncomfortable conversations now than to wait until they learn misconceptions elsewhere. And remember, you're doing your best, and that's enough.

Keep it Age-Appropriate

You don't need to divulge all the details. Here are some age-appropriate ways to explain things:

• Elementary School: "Drugs like meth are bad for your body and brain. They can make people feel happy at first, but then they feel very sad and sick. It's like poisoning yourself to feel happy, which doesn't make sense."
• Middle School: "Meth is a drug that can change how people act. It can make them paranoid, lose sleep, and focus on the drug instead of important things. It's addictive, which means people can get stuck taking it even if they want to stop."
• High School: "Meth affects the brain's chemistry. It can create big mood swings, cause psychosis, and lead to malnutrition. People might try it to escape problems, but it ends up making life worse."

Ultimately, you're the parent, and it's your decision how much to share. Trust your instincts and consider your child's maturity level.

Open the Lines of Communication

Create a safe space for questions. Let your kids know there's no judgment and they can always come to you. Follow through on that. If you shut them down once, they may not come back. As they get older, have ongoing conversations, not lectures. Ask their thoughts, feelings, and questions. Show genuine interest.

Take Care of Yourself

These conversations can be triggering. Prioritize self-care:

• Meetings: Attend NA/AA or support groups for parents. Sharing experiences helps.
• Reach Out: Talk to your sponsor, friends in recovery, or a therapist when struggling.
• Time Outs: Take breaks, go for walks, practice mindfulness. Don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself.
• Healthy Habits: Focus on good sleep, exercise, and healthy eating. It helps your mental well-being.

The Silver Lining

These tough talks are opportunities. They let you shape your child's understanding of addiction, break stigma, and show the power of resilience. Kids will learn about drugs one way or another. At least this way, it's from you.

Recovery isn't easy. Parenting isn't easy. But with honesty, patience, and humor, we can navigate these hard conversations and raise informed, empathetic kids.

The Conversation Continues

Fellow parents in recovery, I'd love to hear from you. What are some of the toughest questions your kids have asked? How have you handled them? Let's support each other and prove recovery is possible, one awkward conversation at a time.-Belle