The Great Expectations Game in Recovery: Why Perfect is the Enemy of Progress

Let me paint you a picture: There I was, fresh into recovery, thinking I had it all figured out. "Once I get clean, everything's going to fall into place like some kind of magical sobriety domino effect." Spoiler alert: That's not exactly how it went down.

Here's the thing about recovery that nobody tells you in the brochures: getting clean is just the opening act. It's like thinking you've won the marathon because you finally put on your running shoes. Don't get me wrong – putting on those shoes is huge. It's necessary. It's brave. But it's just the beginning.

From someone who's made the journey from dealing drugs to dealing with mortgage payments (plot twist: the paperwork for the latter is way more intimidating), I've learned a few things about expectations in recovery. And as both a person in long-term recovery and now a substance use counselor, I've seen this story from both sides of the desk.

Let's talk about the expectation trap.

You know the one – where you think you need to transform from a person struggling with substance use into a Pinterest-worthy lifestyle guru overnight. Where your house needs to be spotless, your relationships need to be perfect, and your life needs to look like it was arranged by a professional organizer with OCD. Been there, tried that, watched it spectacularly implode.

Here's what actually happens: You might make your bed one day and feel like you deserve a medal. The next day, you might barely manage to change out of your pajamas. And you know what? Both of those days count as progress.

The reality is, recovery looks different for everyone because – shocking revelation – everyone is different. Some people meditation their way through it. Others find their zen in CrossFit. Some need every support group meeting they can find, while others thrive with one-on-one counseling. There's no universal roadmap because we're all taking different roads to the same destination: a better life.

But here's where it gets interesting (and by interesting, I mean potentially frustrating): Recovery isn't just about stopping substance use. That's like thinking a house is finished because you've laid the foundation. You've still got to deal with all the fun stuff underneath – relationship dynamics that make reality TV look tame, financial decisions that need untangling, education gaps that need filling, and emotional wounds that need healing.

As a counselor, I see people come in expecting to sprint through recovery like it's a hundred-meter dash. But recovery is more like learning to dance – you're going to step on some toes, probably look ridiculous at times, and eventually find your rhythm. And just when you think you've got it down, someone changes the music.

So what does realistic progress look like? It looks like:

• Sometimes taking two steps forward and one step back (still nets you one step forward, my friends)
• Celebrating small wins, like paying a bill on time or finally calling that person back
• Understanding that "good enough" is sometimes better than "perfect"
• Accepting that some days, just staying clean is enough of an accomplishment

To my fellow professionals in the field: Remember this when working with clients. Their progress might not fit into our neat little treatment plan boxes, and that's okay. Our job isn't to make everyone follow the same path; it's to help them find their own way forward.

And to everyone in recovery: Your journey is your journey. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Progress isn't measured by how fast you get there or how pretty it looks – it's measured by the fact that you're still moving forward, even if some days that movement is microscopic.

I didn't go from doing dope to having a mortgage and car payment overnight. There were plenty of messy moments, setbacks, and days where success meant simply not giving up. And you know what? That was enough. That IS enough.

Because at the end of the day, progress is progress. Whether you're taking baby steps or giant leaps, you're still moving forward. And in recovery, any forward movement is worth celebrating – even if your celebration is just a quiet fist bump with yourself in the mirror.

Remember: Recovery isn't about becoming perfect. It's about becoming better than you were yesterday. Sometimes that means huge transformations, and sometimes it means just making your bed. Both count. Both matter. Both are progress.

And if anyone tells you different, feel free to remind them that the person writing this used to sell drugs and now helps people get clean for a living. Life's funny like that.-Belle-