Shades Off: Ditching Negative Thoughts with a Dash of Dark Humor

 Shades Off: Ditching Negative Thoughts with a Dash of Dark Humor

We've all been there - stuck in the quicksand of crappy thoughts, with our mental binoculars locked on the worst-case scenario. It's like trudging through a swamp while wearing sunglasses smeared with mud and pessimism. But what if you could wipe those lenses clean? Challenge those gloomy assumptions? Swap your Eeyore vision for something more realistic...and maybe even a little rose-tinted?

The Dark Side of Negative Thinking

Before we dive into the tools, let's talk about why it's so important to address those negative thought patterns in the first place. Getting stuck in the muck of negativity can have some serious consequences for both our mental and physical health.

• Mental Health: When we let negative thoughts run the show, it can worsen depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health challenges. It's like spinning your wheels in the mud - you're not getting anywhere, but you're digging yourself in deeper. Chronic negative thinking can even reshape our brains, making it harder to break free from those patterns over time.

• Physical Health: Our minds and bodies are tightly tangled. When we're stuck in stress and negativity, it can manifest physically. Think headaches, tense muscles, a compromised immune system, and a higher risk of chronic diseases. It's like your body is hitting the panic button, but there's no actual emergency.

• Relationships: Negativity can become a toxic cloud that follows you around, impacting how you interact with others. When you're fixated on the worst, you might become snappish, withdrawn, or just a general drag to be around. It's like those "wet blanket" characters in old novels - nobody wants to get too close.

• Growth and Progress: Perhaps the biggest cost of negative thinking is that it keeps us stuck. When we're convinced the worst will happen, we're less likely to take risks, pursue goals, and step outside our comfort zones. It's like having one foot nailed to the floor - you can't move forward.

The Good News

Here's the silver lining - all of this is reversible. By learning to challenge and shift our negative thoughts, we can improve our mental and physical health, our relationships, and our ability to grow and thrive. It takes practice, patience, and a dash of self-compassion, but it's worth it to ditch those muddy lenses and start seeing the world with a little more clarity and hope.

The Power of a Question

Think of questions like mental wrenches - tools to pry loose those stuck, stinking thoughts. Here are six to get you started:

• Am I making assumptions? Because, let's face it, our brains are like meaning-hungry wolverines. They'll cling to a assumption and run with it like a greyhound on a racetrack. But are you really clairvoyant, or just making (often crappy) guesses?

• What are the other possible outcomes? Our brains have a nasty habit of fixating on the worst-case scenario. You know, the "I'm late, so I've definitely been fired, evicted, and will spend the rest of my life alone with 17 cats" spiral. But what about the other options? Maybe your boss is running late too, or stuck in traffic.

• Is there another way to look at this? This is like hitting the refresh button on your thoughts. Instead of "I always fail," try "I messed up, but I can learn from this." Instead of "They hate me," try "They seem stressed, wonder what's going on with them?"

• What would I say to a friend? We're often kinder to our buddies than to ourselves. If your pal was beating themselves up, you'd offer some supportive words, right? Try serving yourself a plate of that same compassion.

• Is there evidence for or against this thought? This is like being a detective for your own brain. Are you building a case on flimsy assumptions, or solid facts? Would your theories hold up in court?

• Will this matter six months from now? This is the ultimate perspective-checker. Will you still be fretting about this blip on the radar of your life? Probably not.

The Science Behind the Shift

This isn't just fluffy, feel-good stuff - there's hard science backing up the power of challenging negative thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a approach built on this very idea, is one of the most effective treatments for depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health challenges. By learning to catch, challenge, and change our thoughts, we can reshuffle our brain's wiring and respond to the world in a more balanced way.

Putting it into Practice

Okay, this all sounds great on paper. But how do you actually do it when you're neck-deep in the muck of negative thinking? Here are a few strategies to get you started:

• Mind your mind: Start by getting better at noticing when you're slipping into negative thought patterns. It might help to imagine a wise, witty narrator (think David Attenborough, or your sassy best friend) commenting on your thoughts.

• Ask yourself those questions: When you catch yourself in a negative spiral, hit pause and run through those questions. It might feel a little clunky at first, but with practice, it'll get easier.

• Practice, practice, practice: The more you challenge those negative thoughts, the more automatic it'll become. Try setting aside a few minutes each day to work through your thoughts.

• Be kind to yourself: Remember, the goal isn't to flip from negative to positive - that's not realistic. It's to move from unhelpfully negative to more balanced and realistic. And hey, if all else fails, at least try to make yourself laugh.

The Takeaway

Negative thoughts are like those annoying relatives who just drop by uninvited - they'll always show up from time to time. But with a little practice and patience, you can learn to challenge them, wipe clean your mental lenses, and find a more balanced way of seeing the world. And who knows, you might just find a few things to be grateful for along the way.-Belle-

From Rock Bottom to Rising Confidence: The Journey of Self-Esteem in Recovery

 

From Rock Bottom to Rising Confidence: The Journey of Self-Esteem in Recovery

Self-esteem – everybody's favorite topic, right? Well, buckle up, folks, because we're about to dive into the messy, beautiful world of rebuilding pride and finding inner peace in recovery. And hey, we'll sprinkle in some dark humor along the way, because if you can't laugh at the absurdity of it all, you might just lose your mind.

So, why is self-esteem such a big deal? Think of it as the engine of your recovery. With a healthy dose of self-esteem, you've got the power to keep moving forward, even when the road gets rough. But during active addiction, that engine gets trashed. We're talking sputtering, smoking, on the side of the road – it's a miracle the thing still moves at all.

So, how do we get that engine roaring again? First, let's acknowledge that this isn't a quick fix. Rebuilding self-esteem takes time, patience, and a whole lot of kindness towards yourself. It's about recognizing that the person you were in active addiction isn't the real you. That was a person consumed by disease, making choices based on feeding that addiction. That's not someone to beat yourself up over – that's someone to have compassion for.

In residential treatment, one of the most common tools we used was good old-fashioned positive affirmations. I'm talking post-it notes plastered all over the mirrors, reminding clients of their strengths and worth. It sounds cheesy, but it works. When you're stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, forcing yourself to focus on the positive, even if it feels fake at first, can be a game-changer.

Celebrate every win, no matter how small. That's the motto. Had a solid day of sobriety? That's something to be proud of. Managed to drag yourself to a meeting when all you wanted to do was hide? That takes serious guts. Acknowledge it, celebrate it, let that positivity sink in.

Recovery isn't about becoming a perfect person – it's about uncovering the person you've been waiting to be. That person is in there, buried under all the crap of addiction. But you've got to believe in them, even when it feels like a stretch.

So, quit sitting in the shadows, waiting for permission to exist. You're already worthy, just as you are. Get out there and celebrate you – your quirks, your strengths, your resilience. There's no one else like you, and that's something to be damn proud of.

Don't give up on yourself. Keep moving forward, even when it's hard. Keep reminding yourself of your worth, keep celebrating those tiny victories. With time, patience, and a whole lot of self-compassion, you'll find that engine of self-esteem roaring back to life. And when it does, man, watch out world.

Practical Self-Esteem Builders

• Own Your Strengths: Make a list of the things you're good at. It doesn't matter if it's fixing a car or making a mean chili – those are strengths. Own them.
• Take Action: Procrastination breeds self-doubt. Get moving on that thing you've been putting off. It's a win, no matter how small.
• Healthy Competition: Not with others, with yourself. Set goals and crush them. That's confidence building.
• Seek Out Positivity: Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Their energy is infectious.
• Get Moving: Exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural mood-boosters. You don't have to become a gym rat, just get your body moving in a way that feels good.

Imposter Syndrome: When Confidence Hides Self-Doubt

Ever felt like a total fraud, just waiting for someone to call you out? That's imposter syndrome, and it's way more common than you think. Even the most confident seeming people can be riddled with self-doubt. The key is recognizing it and reminding yourself of your actual skills and accomplishments. You didn't get where you are by fluke – you've got this.

A Professional in Recovery

I'm not immune to those imposter feelings myself. As a professional in recovery, there are days I wait for the other shoe to drop, for someone to realize I'm just winging it. But the reality is, I know my stuff. I've put in the work and I'm making a difference in my clients' lives. Recovery is about growth, and that doesn't stop just because you've got a fancy title. Embrace the growth, embrace the change – that's where the real power is.-Belle-

Recovery: It's Not a One-Size-Fits-All Sweater (The Extended Remix)

 

Recovery: It's Not a One-Size-Fits-All Sweater (The Extended Remix)

You know those awful holiday sweaters your aunt insists on knitting for you? The ones with the garish reindeer and itchy yarn? Yeah, traditional recovery approaches can feel like those. Well-meaning, but a poor fit and kinda scratchy.

I'm tired of the "my way or the highway" mentality plaguing the substance abuse treatment world. We've all encountered the zealots: "AA is the only path!" or "Medication-assisted treatment (MAT) is the devil!" It's enough to make you want to toss your recovery goals out the window and grab a bottle of... well, something.

Here's the thing: we're not all knit from the same yarn. What works for your coworker, your neighbor, or that one guy from that one meeting might not work for you. And that's okay. More than okay – it's essential to understand.

Recovery isn't about surviving; it's about living. It's finding a quality of life that doesn't make you want to pull your hair out (even if you don't have much to spare, like me). It's about reclaiming your sense of humor, your passions, your purpose. And that looks different for everyone.

Professionals, It's Time to Get Creative

We owe it to our clients to think outside the box (or in this case, the sweater). Yes, evidence-based practices are crucial, but there's a wealth of them out there. It's our job to find the approaches that resonate with each individual, even if that means getting a little unconventional.

Case in point: I once had a client who identified as a Satanist. My initial reaction wasn't, "Oh, great, how do I work with this?" But that's exactly what I did. I found Satanic recovery resources (who knew they existed?) and we used those as a framework. It wasn't about my personal beliefs, but about meeting my client where they were.

We must shed our biases and preconceived notions. Our job is to empower clients, not force them into a mold that doesn't fit. That means collaborating with them, really listening to their goals and values, and sometimes getting creative with our approaches.

Clients, You Are Your Best Advocate

Just because you're struggling with addiction doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. It means you have flaws, trauma, and issues, but also heart, love, resilience, strength, and determination. Don't let anyone, even a well-meaning professional, make you feel otherwise.

You deserve patient-centered care. That means your treatment should revolve around your unique needs, not the other way around. Don't be afraid to speak up, to ask questions, to seek a second opinion. You have the right to a recovery plan that feels authentic and achievable to you.

Recovery is a pizza with endless topping combinations. Sometimes you might want the works, other times a simple cheese slice hits the spot. Maybe you're gluten-intolerant and need a cauliflower crust. The point is, it's your pizza. Put on the toppings that make your recovery journey sustainable and fulfilling.

Professionals, let's take off our judgment hats and put on our curiosity ones. Let's collaborate, learn from each other's approaches, and remember that our client's recovery is their own recipe. It might include bits and pieces from various models, or something entirely new. Who cares, as long as it works for them?

Folks in recovery, don't be afraid to try new things. If something's not working, it's okay to say, "You know what, I need to shake this up." You might need to mix and match, or take a break from the recovery "shoulds" and focus on what brings you joy. Because at the end of the day, that's what sustainable recovery looks like – finding joy, humor, and a life that doesn't feel like an itchy sweater.

So let's raise a (non-alcoholic or not) glass to open-minded recovery. To personality-driven approaches. To collaboration, humor, and remembering that the only "right way" is the one that helps someone reclaim their damn life.

And hey, if someone gives you grief about your recovery approach, just smile and say, "It may not be your cup of tea, but it's my damn pizza."-Belle-

From Hell to Helping: Navigating the Challenges of Recovery in the Field

From Hell to Helping: Navigating the Challenges of Recovery in the Field

They say those who can't do, teach. But what about those who've been to hell and back? Can they teach, counsel, or nurse? Should they? The question of individuals in recovery entering the helping professions is a complex one, filled with landmines, silver linings, and a whole lot of gray area.

The Dark Side: Relapse Risks and Unfinished Business

Let's get the scary stuff out of the way first. The helping professions aren't for the faint of heart, and they're certainly not a cakewalk for those in early recovery. The stress, the trauma, the endless needs of others...it's a recipe for disaster if you're not solid in your own sobriety. One moment of weakness, one boundaries slip, and you could be face-first in the booze or dope again. And this time, you're not just dragging yourself down, but also the vulnerable people relying on your care.

There's also the matter of unfinished business. If you're still wrestling your own demons, how can you hope to exorcise anyone else's? The wounds of recovery are still raw, the self-loathing still potent. Can you truly offer compassion when a little part of you is screaming "I'm a fraud, an addict, a mess"?

The Light Side: Lived-In Experience and Compassion for Days

But what if the darkness is exactly what qualifies you to be a light? Those in recovery have been to the depths of human suffering and crawled back out. They know the taste of desperation, the feel of hitting bottom, the struggle to find a glimmer of hope. And it's exactly this lived-in experience that can make them exceptional healers.

There's a compassion that can only be born of shared pain. A recovered addict knows what it means to feel broken, shameful, and lost. They know the courage it takes to seek help, to keep showing up even when progress feels nonexistent. This isn't textbook empathy – it's the real deal.

The Field's Dilemma: Protecting Clients, Embracing Potential

So how does the field navigate this? On one hand, we need to protect our clients from anyone who might do more harm than good. No one in the throes of a relapse belongs in a position of trust. But on the other hand, are we throwing the baby out with the bathwater if we dismiss the potential of recovered individuals outright?

Perhaps the answer lies in discernment, not blanket policies. Can this person demonstrate solid sobriety, self-awareness, and a willingness to do their own therapeutic work? Or are they trying to escape their issues under the guise of helping others?

A Question of Timing, Not Morality

At the heart of the matter, it's not about whether people in recovery can make good helpers (they can). It's about when they should take on this role. Recovery isn't a destination, but a journey. There are seasons for intense self-focus and seasons for pouring into others.

The key is getting honest about where you're at. Is helping a way to feed your own soul, or is it a way to avoid your still-open wounds? Only you know the answer. But get it honest, because the lives of others hang in the balance.

The Bottom Line: It's Complicated (Like Us)

There are no easy answers here. But maybe that's okay. After all, recovery and the helping professions are about embracing the messy, the gray, the imperfect. It's about knowing that even in our darkest corners, there's the potential for light.

So let's stop pretending we have it all together, whether we're in the helper's chair or the client's. Let's own our struggles, our fears, our messy humanity. Because in the end, it's not about being perfect – it's about being real. And that's something any recovering hell-raiser can offer in spades.-Belle-

Lies, Damned Lies, and Addiction

Lies, Damned Lies, and Addiction

We've all been there - those of us who've danced with addiction, that is. The lies. Oh, the glorious, ridiculous, mind-boggling lies we tell ourselves and others. I know I have. And as a counselor, I've seen some doozies. But why? Why do we spin these tangled webs? And what happens when we finally stop?

The Great Con (Our Minds):

Addiction is a master manipulator. It convinces us we're getting away with something, that we're smarter than everyone else. I mean, come on, who wouldn't believe these gems?

• "I don't have an addiction." (Sure, and I'm the Queen of England.)
• "I can stop anytime I want to." (Just you wait, I'll quit tomorrow. Or next week. Or never.)
• "It hasn't changed me at all." (You mean besides the constant lying, stealing, and ruining relationships?)
• "I'm not as bad as [insert name]." (The classic "addiction Olympics" - because bronze in self-destruction is still a loss.)
• "I only use it occasionally." (Yeah, like that one time... every day.)
• "I'm under a lot of stress — it's okay to kick back with this stuff and relax." (Because nothing says "relaxation" like a hangover and a crushed soul.)

But here's the kicker: we start believing our own BS. It's like method acting for idiots. We play the role of "totally not an addict" so long, we forget we're acting.

The Crash (When Reality Hits):

Sooner or later, the lies catch up. Maybe it's a DUI, a lost job, or your kids stopping you with a look of pure disappointment. For me, it was waking up in jail, wondering what I'd done the night before (again). That's when you realize you haven't been fooling anyone - except maybe yourself.

Getting Real (The Hard Part):

Stopping the lies is easy. Having the guts to see yourself clearly, to face the damage... that's hard. It means admitting you're vulnerable, that you need help. It sucks. But it's also your only real shot at freedom.

Getting real means facing the shame, the guilt, the crushing regret. It means feeling those uncomfortable emotions instead of numbing out. But here's the thing: you don't have to do it alone. Counseling, support groups, they're all about having a safe space to own your crap. To say out loud, "I messed up. I need help."

And it's not just about talking. Sometimes it's about creating - writing, art, music. Whatever helps you express the mess inside and start to untangle it.

My Take (From Both Sides Now):

As someone who's been in treatment and now works in it, I see the lies from both ends of the telescope. I look back on my own and cringe. I see my clients spinning the same tales and want to shake them (gently). But I get it. I really do. Because those lies, they offer a false sense of control when everything feels out of control.

The Shift (From Lies to Recovery):

Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about brutal honesty, with yourself first. It's about owning your crap, one painful truth at a time. And yeah, it's hard. But the freedom... oh man, the freedom from all those lies, that's something else.

So if you're stuck in the cycle of lying, just know this: you're not fooling anyone. Least of all yourself. And if you're ready to stop running the con... well, there's a whole lot of us who've been there, done that, and would be happy to show you the way out.

We've all been there - those of us who've danced with addiction, that is. The lies. Oh, the glorious, ridiculous, mind-boggling lies we tell ourselves and others. I know I have. And as a counselor, I've seen some doozies. But why? Why do we spin these tangled webs? And what happens when we finally stop?-Belle- 

When Your Kids Start Asking the Hard Questions: Navigating Addiction Conversations as a Parent in Recovery

My 10-year-old son looked up from his Legos, curiosity in his eyes. "Mom, what's meth?" My heart skipped a beat. Already? I thought. But I took a deep breath and remembered the promise I made when I got sober: honesty, no matter how hard.

A few days later, my 9-year-old asked, "What does it feel like when you get high?" I hesitated, not wanting to glorify the experience. But I knew I had to be honest. "It's like a fake sense of happiness," I explained. "But it's not real, and it doesn't last. And it led to a lot of pain and problems."

Recovery is a journey, not a destination. And when you're a parent, that journey includes a roadmap of tough conversations. My kids were little when I got sober, but now, as pre-teens, they're asking questions – about drugs, about the past, and about their father, who's still struggling with addiction.

The Hypocrisy Factor

It feels hypocritical lecturing your kids about drugs when you've battled addiction. You think, Who am I to tell them what to do? But your story is your greatest tool. It shows your kids that addiction is real, that it can happen to anyone, and that recovery is possible. Many of us in recovery grapple with this feeling of hypocrisy. But the truth is, you're not teaching your kids that drug use is okay. You're teaching them that addiction is a disease, and that getting help is possible.

Don't Panic (Outwardly, at Least)

When the questions come, take a breath. It's okay not to have all the answers ready. Say, "That's a great question. Let me think, and we'll talk later." Use the time to collect your thoughts, maybe talk to your partner, a friend, or sponsor. Remind yourself that it's better to have these uncomfortable conversations now than to wait until they learn misconceptions elsewhere. And remember, you're doing your best, and that's enough.

Keep it Age-Appropriate

You don't need to divulge all the details. Here are some age-appropriate ways to explain things:

• Elementary School: "Drugs like meth are bad for your body and brain. They can make people feel happy at first, but then they feel very sad and sick. It's like poisoning yourself to feel happy, which doesn't make sense."
• Middle School: "Meth is a drug that can change how people act. It can make them paranoid, lose sleep, and focus on the drug instead of important things. It's addictive, which means people can get stuck taking it even if they want to stop."
• High School: "Meth affects the brain's chemistry. It can create big mood swings, cause psychosis, and lead to malnutrition. People might try it to escape problems, but it ends up making life worse."

Ultimately, you're the parent, and it's your decision how much to share. Trust your instincts and consider your child's maturity level.

Open the Lines of Communication

Create a safe space for questions. Let your kids know there's no judgment and they can always come to you. Follow through on that. If you shut them down once, they may not come back. As they get older, have ongoing conversations, not lectures. Ask their thoughts, feelings, and questions. Show genuine interest.

Take Care of Yourself

These conversations can be triggering. Prioritize self-care:

• Meetings: Attend NA/AA or support groups for parents. Sharing experiences helps.
• Reach Out: Talk to your sponsor, friends in recovery, or a therapist when struggling.
• Time Outs: Take breaks, go for walks, practice mindfulness. Don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself.
• Healthy Habits: Focus on good sleep, exercise, and healthy eating. It helps your mental well-being.

The Silver Lining

These tough talks are opportunities. They let you shape your child's understanding of addiction, break stigma, and show the power of resilience. Kids will learn about drugs one way or another. At least this way, it's from you.

Recovery isn't easy. Parenting isn't easy. But with honesty, patience, and humor, we can navigate these hard conversations and raise informed, empathetic kids.

The Conversation Continues

Fellow parents in recovery, I'd love to hear from you. What are some of the toughest questions your kids have asked? How have you handled them? Let's support each other and prove recovery is possible, one awkward conversation at a time.-Belle 

FROM DREAM TO REALITY: THE POWER OF PERSEVERANCE IN ACHIEVING LONG-TERM GOALS

As I sit here, reflecting on the completion of a project six years in the making, I am overwhelmed with a profound sense of pride, gratitude, and a renewed belief in the human capacity for resilience. This journey was not a straight line; it was a winding path filled with peaks of triumph and valleys of doubt. Yet, with unwavering dedication and an unrelenting commitment to my vision, I emerged victorious on the other side.

The power of setting and achieving goals cannot be overstated. Goals give us direction, ignite our passions, and provide a measuring stick for our progress. Yet, the pursuit of long-term goals, the kind that span not months but years, tests our resolve like little else. It demands we tap into a deep well of inner strength, a resilience we may not have known we possessed.

I've walked the walk. There were moments I questioned my ability, my worthiness, and the sheer practicality of this endeavor. I fantasized about shortcuts and loopholes, anything to hasten the finish line. But the most profound growth, the truest sense of self-mastery, only comes from pushing through those resistances, from honoring our commitment to ourselves.

So, how can you apply these hard-won insights to your own long-term goals?

• Break the Monolith into Molecules: When a goal looms large, it's easy to get overwhelmed. Break it down into manageable, bite-sized tasks. Celebrate each mini-victory along the way to build momentum and reinforce positive self-belief.
• Embrace the Journey, Not Just the Destination: Long-term goals are a marathon, not a sprint. Find ways to derive meaning, joy, and growth from the process itself, not just the end result.
• Lean into Your Why: Your "why," your underlying reason for pursuing this goal, is your North Star. When doubts creep in, reconnect with the purpose and passion that ignited this journey initially.
• Cultivate Resilience: Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth, not threats to your ego. Develop a mindset that views obstacles as temporary and surmountable.
• Practice Compassionate Perseverance: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you'd offer a close friend. Don't give up, but acknowledge setbacks, and gently nudge yourself back on track.

Achieving long-term goals requires perseverance, resilience, and an unwavering belief in our inherent capacity for growth and change. I am living proof that with persistence and heart, we can turn our loftiest dreams into tangible realities. I have no doubt that you possess the same strength within you.

So, I ask you, what is the long-term goal you've been putting off or struggling to gain traction on? Commit to taking one small step towards it today. Break it down into a manageable plan. Draw on your deep well of inner strength. Most importantly, believe in yourself, every step of the way.

The journey may be long, winding, and at times challenging, but the sense of pride, fulfillment, and self-mastery awaiting you on the other side makes every step worth it. You got this. -Belle-