When Expectations Collide

When Expectations Collide: Addiction, Recovery, and the People We Love

The moment you say the words "I'm addicted" to someone you care about, a whole Pandora's box of expectations opens up. There's what you think they'll do, what they actually do, what you wish they'd do...and let's be real, sometimes it's a hot mess.

The Addict's Side: A Minefield of Expectations

When you're in the throes of addiction, you might have some...let's call them "interesting" ideas about how your loved ones will react when you break the news.

• You might expect them to be all rainbows and unicorns, supporting you every step of the way because, hey, that's what family is for, right?
• Or you might be convinced they'll cut you out of their lives completely, because addiction equals total moral failure (spoiler alert: this is NOT true).
• Maybe you're hoping they'll be your personal sober coaches, providing 24/7 supervision and healthy snacks.

The reality? It's complicated. Your friends and family are humans too, with their own emotions, limits, and misconceptions about addiction. They might be your rock...or they might not know how to handle it at all.

The Loved One's Side: Confusion and (Sometimes) Cluelessness

On the other side of the equation, your friends and family are dealing with their OWN expectations.

• They might think that once you decide to get sober, it's as easy as flipping a switch (um, nope).
• They could be terrified that they'll say/do something wrong and cause a relapse.
• Some might believe that tough love is the answer, others that enabling is the same as supporting you.

The problem? These expectations can sometimes actively work AGAINST your recovery. Like when someone doesn't want to "enable you" so they stop inviting you to social events...which, hello, isolation is a trigger for many of us. Or when they DO enable you, because they're so scared of being the "bad guy" that they cover up your messes and prevent you from facing consequences.

Talking the Talk: What to Say (and Not Say)

So how do you break through the expectation chaos? With some good old-fashioned open and honest conversation.

• Be specific: Don't just say "I need your support." Say "I need you to check in with me every day" or "I need you to not have booze in the house right now."
• Set boundaries: "I love you, but I can't go to bars with you right now" or "I appreciate the offer, but I need professional help, not amateur hour."
• Educate them: Share what you're learning about addiction and recovery. Sometimes, people get it twisted because they just don't get it.

The Kid Factor: Special Considerations

If you're a parent, there's an extra layer. How you talk to your kids about your addiction depends on their age and what they've already seen.

• Little kids: Keep it simple and focus on reassurance. "I'm sick, but I'm getting help and I love you no matter what."
• Older kids: Be honest, but not too graphic. "I've been struggling with drugs/alcohol, but I'm in treatment now."

Earning Trust: No Overnight Thing

Let's get real – trust is broken in addiction. It's not something you can just demand back. It takes time, consistency, and actions speaking louder than words.

• Follow through on commitments: If you say you'll be there, BE THERE.
• Be open about your recovery: Share your progress, and your struggles.
• Give them space: Don't expect things to go back to "normal" right away. Respect their boundaries.

The Bottom Line

Addiction is messy. Recovery is messy. And the people we love? Yep, they can be messy too. But with patience, honesty, and a little bit of humor, you can start to untangle those expectations and build a stronger, healthier relationships.

Because at the end of the day, that's what it's all about – not the drugs, not the booze, but the love and connection we have with the people who matter most.-Belle-