Let me paint you a picture. Ever seen those old kung-fu movies where some dude punches straight through another guy, and you can see right through the hole? That's us – walking around like human Swiss cheese, full of holes punched through by trauma. And what do we do? We slap whatever band-aids we can find over those holes just to keep moving.
Sometimes those band-aids look like drugs. Sometimes they look like crime. Sometimes they're toxic relationships or behaviors that would make your therapist need therapy. But here's the thing – we did what we had to do to survive.
The Street-Smart Guide to Trauma
Here's something wild: half the time, we don't even realize we're traumatized. When you grow up in dysfunction, dysfunction becomes your normal. Trust me, I know. It took me years to connect the dots that my abandonment issues started in infancy when my biological mother bounced. That's the thing about trauma – it's sneaky like that.
You want to talk about normal? Let me tell you what passed for "normal" in my world:
- Hustling just to make it through the day
- Trust issues deeper than the Grand Canyon
- Survival instincts that would make a Navy SEAL proud
- A PhD in street economics (yeah, that's what we're calling it now)
The Resiliency Trap
Here's a plot twist for you: Sometimes being too resilient is actually part of the problem. Yeah, you heard that right. When you're so used to taking hits that you don't even flinch anymore, that's not strength – that's trauma wearing a superhero cape.
In residential treatment, I've seen people walk in with backstories that would make a horror movie look like a Disney film. And you know what they say? "But my life wasn't that bad." Meanwhile, they're carrying enough trauma to fill a library of tragedy.
The Criminal Element
Let's talk about labels for a minute. I was a criminal. Notice the past tense there. Just because you did criminal things doesn't mean you're permanently stamped with "CRIMINAL" across your forehead. Unless you got it tattooed there – in which case, well, that's a different conversation about life choices.
Breaking Free from the Shame Game
Here's the real talk: Shame is like that toxic ex who keeps trying to slide into your DMs at 2 AM. It's persistent, it's manipulative, and it's really good at making you feel like garbage. But just like that ex, it's time to block and delete.
The Recovery Reality Check
Recovery isn't just about putting down the substances. It's about:
- Learning that your trauma responses aren't character flaws
- Understanding that survival mode isn't meant to be permanent
- Realizing that "normal" is a setting on a washing machine, not a life goal
- Finding better band-aids (spoiler alert: therapy is actually pretty dope)
A Message to My People
To everyone out there still trying to make sense of their Swiss cheese existence:
- Forgive yourself for not knowing better when you didn't know better
- Your survival methods might have been ugly, but they kept you alive
- You're not your past, even if your past keeps trying to friend request you
- Recovery is possible, even for those of us who came from the trenches
The Plot Twist
Want to know the wildest part of recovery? Those holes in us? They don't just heal – they become windows. Windows that help us see and connect with others who are still stuck in their own trauma loops. Your mess becomes your message, your pain becomes your power, and your story becomes someone else's survival guide.
The Bottom Line
You survived 100% of your worst days. You made it through stuff that would make most people tap out. Now it's time to learn how to live instead of just survive. It's messy, it's hard, and sometimes it feels like trying to learn calculus while riding a unicycle. But it's worth it.
Remember: You're not broken – you're battle-tested. And now it's time to learn some new ways to win the war.
Keep it real. Keep it moving. And most importantly, keep growing.
P.S. If your trauma therapist needs trauma therapy after hearing your story, that's not a failure on your part – that's just you being an overachiever.-Belle-
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