The Paradox of Knowing vs. Doing
I'm a walking, talking paradox. By day, I'm a substance abuse counselor, doling out wisdom and strategies to those wrestling with addiction. By night, I'm a nicotine-craving, cake-loathing, midnight-snacking hypocrite. My medical chart would read: "Patient exhibits high levels of self-awareness, low levels of self-control."
You'd think that being neck-deep in the recovery world, surrounded by the latest research and armed with a degree, would make me immune to addictive behaviors. But knowledge is only half the battle, folks. Sometimes it feels like I'm shouting at myself in the mirror: "You know better! DO better!" Yet, the cigarettes still get bought, the junk food still gets devoured.
The Gap Between Knowing and Doing
This isn't unique to recovery or addiction. We've all been there - aware of a problem, aware of the solution, yet stuck in a rut. It's the diet you know you should start, the exercise routine you know you should begin, the toxic relationship you know you should end. So why the disconnect?
It comes down to this: knowledge is about the head, change is about the heart. I can spout stats about the dangers of smoking, but that doesn't touch the deep-down fear of what I'd be like without cigarettes. I can explain the science of food addiction, but that doesn't address the emotional void I'm trying to fill with a midnight pizza.
Facing the Fear
Real change requires getting messy. It requires acknowledging that there's something underneath the self-destructive behaviors that's begging for attention. Maybe it's fear of failure, fear of success, fear of simply being different. Maybe it's unresolved trauma, or a deep-seated belief that you don't deserve better.
I'm not going to lie and say I've figured it out. I'm still smoking, still overeating. But I'm trying to be kinder to myself, to view these behaviors not as weaknesses, but as signposts pointing to something that needs healing. I'm trying to ask myself harder questions, questions that might just lead to real, gut-level change.
The Bottom Line
Knowing better is the easy part. Doing better...that takes guts. It takes a willingness to face your demons, to acknowledge your fears, to do the hard work of healing. It takes self-compassion, because let's face it, you're probably going to screw up. But maybe, just maybe, by shining a light on this paradox, we can start to close the gap between knowing and doing.
So, what's your "cigarette" or "midnight snack"? What's the behavior you know you need to change, but can't seem to shake? Take a deep breath, and ask yourself - what am I really afraid of? The answer might just be the key to unlocking real, lasting change.-Belle-
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