Skip to main content

Beyond Guilt: Healing from the Harm of Parenting Through Addiction

Beyond Guilt: Healing from the Harm of Parenting Through Addiction

I'll never forget the night my world shattered. My ex and I, both high on meth, got into a physical fight. I'll spare you the details, but I ended up with a split lip, and what's seared into my memory is seeing my toddler son, barely two years old, standing there in the chaos. His tiny face was smeared with my blood. In that instant, something inside me broke. I realized I wasn't just destroying myself with my addiction, but traumatizing my innocent children.

If you're a parent who's struggled with addiction, you know the weight of this guilt. We've put our kids through hell, even if we didn't mean to. The lies, the broken promises, the times we weren't there when they needed us... it's a painful list to reflect on.

But here's the thing: guilt, while understandable, isn't going to help our kids heal. Or us, for that matter. So, how do we move forward? How do we make amends for the pain we've caused, and help our children work through the trauma of being raised by an addicted parent?

It Starts with Honesty

Our natural instinct might be to shield our kids from the full truth of our addiction. We don't want to burden them further. But kids can usually see right through our attempts to sugarcoat things. What they need is honesty – age-appropriate, but honest.

My own son, now much older, has only vague memories of that night. But I've been honest with him about how sick I was, and the terrible things he witnessed. I've apologized for putting him through that, and reassured him again and again that what happened was in no way his fault. It's been a hard conversation, but one I knew I had to have.

Healing Takes Time (and Help)

We can't undo the past, no matter how much we might wish we could. What we can do is commit to being present, reliable parents now. This means getting support for ourselves, whether that's therapy, support groups, or seeing a doctor about underlying mental health issues.

Our kids need the same. They may benefit from counseling, or a support group like Alateen for kids of addicted parents. These spaces let them process their feelings in a safe environment.

Material Possessions Can't Replace Your Presence

In my early recovery, I fell into the trap of overindulging my kids. I felt so guilty, I said yes to every request, hoping toys or treats could make up for the pain I'd put them through. But what they really crave is our steady, loving presence.

It's the little things that build trust – showing up to events, having dinner together, being someone they can count on. These actions speak louder than any apology or gift.

Forgiveness is a Journey

Forgiveness – of ourselves, and by our kids – won't happen overnight. It's a slow, messy process. There will still be tough days when guilt overwhelms you, or your child acts out because of unresolved pain.

In those moments, take a deep breath. Remind yourself of how far you've come. Apologize sincerely when you mess up, and recommit to doing better. And always keep the lines of communication open, even when it's hard.

We Are Not Defined by Our Worst Moments

As someone who's spent years wrestling with addiction, it's easy to get stuck in seeing myself as 'that mom' – the one who wasn't there for her kids. But that's only one chapter of my story. Now, I'm also the mom who got help, who fights every day to be better, and who loves her kids fiercely.

Our children can grow up to be resilient, whole people. They can have a healthy relationship with us. It won't be easy, and it won't be perfect. But with time, patience, and a willingness to face our mistakes head-on, we can help them heal.

And in the process, we might just heal ourselves.-Belle-

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I'm an Addict and I'm Not Sorry

I'm an Addict and I'm Not Sorry Let's get real for a second. If you're reading this, chances are you or someone you love has been through the wringer of addiction. And if that's the case, you know that the worst part isn't the withdrawals, the failed relationships, or those awful, gut-wrenching moments of clarity on the bathroom floor. It's the shame. Oh, the shame. It's like someone poured gasoline all over your soul and lit a match. Well, I'm here to tell you something: fuck the shame. No, really. Fuck it right in the ear. You don't need that kind of toxic garbage holding you back anymore. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I'm an addict. I've done some bad shit. I've lied, I've stolen, I've woken up in strange places with even stranger people. But you know what? I'm still a person. I'm still a person who deserves to be happy, to love and be loved, to leave something better than I found it. Look, you can't change...

My Journey, My Voice: Sharing My Truth About Addiction and Recovery

  My Journey, My Voice: Sharing My Truth About Addiction and Recovery I'm a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a coworker, a friend, an auntie – and I'm in recovery. I'm also a substance abuse counselor, which means I've seen the journey of addiction and recovery from both sides. My blog is my way of sharing my unique perspective, my struggles, and my triumphs. It's about being real, breaking down stigma, and connecting with others who understand this challenging, rewarding path. Recovery isn't easy. Some days, it feels like an uphill battle. I've been the "loser," the one who felt uncool, unworthy. Self-doubt and abandonment issues are still things I work to overcome. But here's the important part: I'm not perfect, and I never will be. But I will never stop growing, either. Every time I hit publish on a blog post, it's a victory. It's me saying, "I'm not ashamed of my story." It's me using my voice to help others ...

Ok, I am sober... Now who the Hell am I?

  Recovery: The Journey to Rediscover Ourselves Recovery is not just a word; it's a mosaic of personal stories, each tile reflecting the light of hope and resilience. As a former addict turned substance use disorder counselor, I have navigated the tumultuous seas of addiction and now anchor others as they set sail towards the shores of sobriety. Why do we seek recovery? The reasons are as varied as the individuals asking themselves this profound question. For some, it is the pursuit of health, for others, the mending of relationships torn asunder by the tempest of dependency. We embark on this journey because something precious has been lost to us – peace, self-worth, or perhaps the very essence of who we are. At its core, recovery is about discovery. It's a quest to reclaim what was taken from us and to unearth the treasures we've always held within. It's not just about abstaining from a substance; it's about embracing life in its fullest expression. It's ab...