Emotional Intelligence: The Secret Superpower of Recovery

Let's talk about feelings. I know, I know, it sounds like the start of a cheesy rom-com or a bad 90s boy band song. But hear me out. See, most of us in recovery spent years trying to drown, numb, or just generally avoid our feelings like they were a bad ex. And it makes sense, right? If you've got a truckload of trauma and a side of toxic crap in your emotional backpack, the last thing you want to do is dig through all that.

But here's the thing: you can't avoid your feelings forever. And honestly, that's a good thing. See, your feelings are like your body's built-in GPS. They're always trying to tell you something - that you're safe, that you're in danger, that you're about to make a huge mistake, or that you just found something amazing.

The problem is, most of us never learned how to freaking read the map. That's where emotional intelligence comes in.

Emotional intelligence is just a fancy way of saying "being smart about your feelings." It's about understanding what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, and how to use that information to make your life better. It's like having a superpower, but instead of laser eyes or flying, you get to be awesome at the whole "being human" thing.

So how does this play out in recovery? Well, imagine being able to understand why you always get twitchy at family holidays, or why that one guy at the meeting always gets under your skin. Imagine being able to calm yourself down when things get stressful, instead of turning to your old friend Benzo or Betty Beer. Imagine being able to build real, honest relationships based on more than just shared war stories. That's what emotional intelligence gives you.

And it's not just about relationships. When you get good at the whole feelings thing, suddenly other areas of your life start to fall into place. You get better at standing up for yourself in court, at advocating for yourself to your PO, at nailing that job interview. You start to see that you're not just a screwed-up addict, but a person with strengths, weaknesses, and the ability to change.

So yeah, feelings can be scary. But they're also the key to building a life that's actually worth staying sober for. And the good news is, you can start building your emotional intelligence right now, no matter where you're at in your recovery journey. Here are a few ways to get started:

• Mindfulness: This is just a fancy way of saying "pay attention to the present moment." It's about noticing what you're feeling, without judgment. Try taking a few minutes each day to just focus on your breath, your body, and what's going on inside you. It's not about achieving some kind of zen master calm, it's just about practicing awareness.
• Labeling your emotions: When you start to feel something, try to put a label on it. Are you anxious, angry, excited, or sad? And then ask yourself why you might be feeling that way. Is it because of something going on in your life, or is it an old pattern resurfacing? The more you practice, the better you'll get at understanding your emotional landscape.
• Feeling without acting: This is a big one in early recovery. When you're flooded with emotions, it's easy to just react without thinking. But that often lands us in trouble. Instead, try to create a little space between feeling and acting. Take a few deep breaths, go for a walk, write in a journal - do something to process what you're feeling before you make a move. With time, you'll get better at responding instead of reacting.

It takes work, sure. But if you're willing to put in the effort, emotional intelligence can be your secret superpower on the road to recovery.-Belle-